Americas Next Top Badass

Friends, we need to have another talk. This time about one Mr. Chuck Norris. Yea it's true a few years ago it was funny to spout out random tid-bits about Mr. Norris. But really, come one now, that joke is more dead than Heath Ledger(too soon?). Sure Walker Texas Ranger was a hit in the rural Texas towns because, well they're idiotic. But we need to shut this shit down now. For too long have these increasingly annoying and played out jokes been shoveled down our throats by the very people we only talked to because they knew Chuck Norris jokes. Enough! You don't see people walking down the road busting a Macarena in your face right? Right, that's because if you did that, you would meet the front end of a Buick. I'm not saying they're not funny, they're really not, but we need to move on to someone who's actually a bad ass. I've compiled a list of a few people who would be worthy replacements and why.

Jean-Claude Van Damme- Bloodsport
Bruce Campbell- He was born, thats enough
Me- I'm awesome
Arnold Schwarzenegger- Body builder, terminator, tool, governator, Conan The Barbarian
James Maynard Keenan- I imagine he's close to 10 feet tall
Britney Spears- The only step she can take from drug addicted, washed up, neglectful whore mother is either bounty hunter or bad ass
Dog the Bounty Hunter- Come on, no reason necessary
Jeff Corwin- I would have put Steve Irwin, but he's dead
Kyle Asmundson- I once watched him eat one of those glass bottles full of sand your relative buys you for christmas. Art my ass, it was a snack
Marty McFly/Doc Brown- Unstoppable time traveling duo
Fieval- He went west and kicked some major ass
Douglas Adams- Fuck off if you don't think
Carl Sagen- Schrödinger's reincarnation bitch. Not really, but he knows a lot about space and thats cool

Now, I'm not saying the replacement should be specifically one of these people. But someone of a similar nature. Someone that can, Bruce Willis, crash a motorcycle into a helicopter. There are a couple people that shouldn't ever be considered, ever.

Martha Stewart- Fuck that bitch
Your mom jokes- Never, ever, ever utter a your mom joke
Kyle Asmundson- He wears rubber underwear
Aladdin- He's not real
Steve Jobs/Bill Gates- Douche/Douche.

Have an abnormal day.