Barks.

So this page has fallen to neglect. For that I am ashamed. I would commit Hari Kari, Seppuku, if I was Japanese. But I was cursed with this creamy white skin. It does afford me unparalleled opportunities, but also likes to crisp in the whore of an Arizona sun.
Anyway, what to say? I learned recently that the big dipper is an American constellation. Well, not so much the actual constellation, although I'm sure we'd like to take credit for the universe, but the name. Did you know it was actually a bear in ancient cultures? I don't know if it was Roman or Greek, so I didn't specify to avoid looking uneducated. At least I can spell though, right? But I digress, the handle of the- wait now that I think of it, it was the Greeks. Ok, so, the handle of the dipper is actually the bears tail, and the cup...part, is the body. In the same vein the little dipper is just a tiny bear with self-esteem issues. But the story went, and this is para-phrased, that Zeus threw them into the sky to keep them safe, making their tails long.

Lies. I think there may be a cover up here. How do we know that bears back then didn't have ridiculously long tails? Or maybe Zeus threw them up there because bears were getting it on with lions/tigers?
Scary shit. Let's just be glad bears and sharks have no sexual attraction because, let's face it, we would not be around at that point.
Doesn't mean it's not fun to think about. What if, and please someone read this and try it, we made bear-sharks? Barks. Would you not want to own one?
Imagine if you will: Alarm goes off, you wake up. Shower, eat, knit, whatever the hell it is sane people do as a routine. I lost interest. Just imagine riding a bear-shark. You could not only destroy anything, including steel and meteorites, but could also ride that bitch in the ocean.

That's all I'm sayin.