outcomes

i've been described as laid back, but that's not really true. it's more that i'm mostly unconcerned with outcome, but that's not really true either. there's a rather big and complicated theory which i'll look up the name of later that essentially states that the only reason that the universe exists, even though there's hundreds of millions of factors that could've gone against its creation and development through trillions of years to the state it is in now, is that this is the only possible outcome that could've come about. even with all our possible quantum alternate realities where things didn't' turn out the way they did and the universe is nothing more than a goop of randomly colliding particles that may or may not have already collapsed back upon themselves, the simple fact is that we are all living in the one where we exist. the only possible outcome is that things are the way they are.

this may seem slightly asinine/trivial/self apparent, but i try to apply it to just about everything i can. i am who, what, where, when, why and how i am because that is the only way i can possibly be. because i exist i exist in the way i am meant to exist. this is a very hard ideal to hold onto tho, the world is full of setbacks, adversity, difficulty, adversity, distress, and many other words that can be used to describe things that are extremely hard to picture as necessary. "why do we need hardship?", one of the questions that has plagued humans since we've been able to ponder philosophy. hardship is what you make of it tho. our ego is what tells us that things were bad. we taint occurrences with our human perceptions, when reality things are what they are and nothing more.

whatever happens to me, i hold dearly that it was supposed to happen. it may not be what i wanted to happen, it may not be the best outcome but that again is me judging what has happened. because it happened it was obviously supposed to happen so resenting the outcome is futile, we should turn our attention to what hasn't happened yet. the only things that we can possibly have an impact on are the things that haven't happened yet.

but then again, how much control do we have on the future? this is another of those things that i struggle to make sense of. everything will happen the way it's supposed to happen, even things that haven't happened yet, so do we really have any control over anything at all? what if the only thing that we can do in our lives is follow along the path that we will inevitably follow, even if we don't want to? would this make you change anything that you do? if we resign ourselves to the notion that nothing we do can change what is ultimately going to happen and just rot away in our rooms until we expire, isn't that following the path we're supposed to take? what it comes down to is that even though there is only ever one outcome, we still get to choose what outcome it will be. if you choose to wallow away in your room full of hopelessness and strife that that is the choice you were supposed to make and there is no way you could've ever avoided it. but if you choose to try hard anyway and persevere even though there's not a single guarantee of success in anything you ever due, that is the only choice you could ever have made. it all comes back to relativity, whatever choice we choose to make is the one we were supposed to make. we still get to choose

when you look at it this way it kinda simplifies things. you get to choose, and every choice you make is right. i believe this as hard as i can, and even though i spend way too much time thinking about what i should've done at any point in time over the last 10 years or so, hell my entire life, i try as hard as i can to keep in mind that these are the only decisions i could've possibly made and learn from everything i possibly can.