so two nights ago i came home to find a 5 inch centipede inspecting my black duffel bag in my room. i tried to choke out an appropriate insult, failed, and then proceeded to fail in my attempt to pummel said arachnid to death with a soccer cleat before it escaped back into the closet. arachnids over an inch in overall size tend to have a negative effect on my pummeling. i swallowed my fears and proceeded to sleep.
last night as i lay down in bed i heard the distinct sound of a thousand little feet scuttling around on sheets.
SHIT!
thy nemesis has returned. the fool. i got up, hit the lights, and inspected the bed to make sure it wasn't around the foot of the bed. i pulled the pillow out of the cover and carefully inspected it to make sure it wasn't hiding on the backside. i looked inside the pillowcase and
SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!
i landed about three feet away and quickly armed myself with a flip flop. never underestimate the wrath of a half naked man with a strangely named shoe.
i set about pummeling the pillowcase with the shoe, but of course the centipede, knowing that he had been spotted, had made a beeline for anywhere that wasn't directly in the path of said misnamed shoe. so i went into a smashing frenzy and killed the shit out of that thing, poked it a bit, then smashed it some more just to make sure it was dead. i do not mess around when it comes to arachnids over 4 inches in overall length.
note: when moving the corpses of slain creepy crawlies, flip flops are no substitute for chop sticks.
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1 comment:
dood spiders suck. and they are taking over the world. this year in peticular insects around here, there, well, anywhere i can think of are really bad.
Are Your Children doing Their part to fight the Aracnids?
(kids stomping on roaches)
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